Who is this do you ask?
I’m scared to reveal, let’s speak through the mask.
Metaphorically of course, there’s nothing over our eyes,
its our feelings we mask,
those are what we disguise.
But faced with reality and we’ll both run,
in different directions ignoring the inevitable to come.
A sexual innuendo I would claim that to be if I wasn’t really trying to spill the feelings within me.
I know your first instinct is to read this and block,
but just give me one second and read whats on my heart.
I literally always try my best to move on,
but this is six years later Jason, c’mon!
All the years of smiles, leave me alone’s, and blocks,
but seriously take a moment and look at what we got.
You may have a partner and I decided to go ahead and get one too
but that doesn’t shake the tossing and turning at night with dreams of you.
Please don’t make me feel obsessed, crazy, or insane,
we’re always so happy together when we’re not being lame.
Why else do we continue to fall off and rekindle,
even though you lie to yourself and make it seem little;
small, nonexistent, like the fire that stays between us isn’t lit,
I know thats why you stay away and refuse to get hitched.
I don’t mean hitched as married, more like just trying us out,
you seriously act as if it would kill you for us to hangout.
You gave in one time and we both saw what happened,
the inevitable, the predictable, what I daydreamed about and always imagined.
Is it that you just don’t trust yourself with me and are scared of what you might feel deep down,
or have you really reached the point where you never wanna see me around?
If that’s the case, I’ll back off and stop,
I just don’t think that's how you really feel in your heart.
But this is the last attempt, I can’t continue to feel foolish,
because I’m starting to see that my efforts just might be useless.
You have a hold on my heart that I still can’t quite understand,
but this is me being me,
raw and honest,
if I could I would ignore the feelings,
they came like a teenage pregnancy,
unplanned.
And continued to grow from newborn to toddler,
half a decade later, all they did was get stronger.
I can put on a facade with anyone and pretend that I’m okay,
but at the end of the day
when the show has ended and the curtains have closed,
I lay down with my feelings exposed,
and if its not you I get to sleep next to, giggle with, and call mine,
then I’ll just always be what people lie and say, “I’m fine.”
Never in a relationship that's ecstatic, overjoyed, or filled with happiness that can’t be measured,
because those emotions came from you, you were my life’s simple pleasure.
